2009 Highlights - May

Following up on my last post (a year ago) I'll now skip the part where I call myself a slacker and get right to the meat and potatoes.

5.1 - Ryan Theriot hits his first career grand slam to give David Patton his first career win. Lou Piniella had given Ryan Theriot a bit of inspiration:

I told him, 'Don't aim the ball, hit it, and hit it in the gaps,'" Piniella said. "'Try to hit for power with men on base. Now, if there's a man on first and the hole's open and you want to shoot it, that's fine. But when you get people on, drive the ball.' Today, that's exactly what he did."

Regret this he will.

5.2 - Ryan Theriot hits another two run shot and follows that up with a triple. Cub fans, the stupid fucks they are, will boo Derrek Lee for striking out. Cubs win. Common sense loses.

5.3 - The Cubs honor number 31 and to celebrate Derrek lee shuts Cub fans the fuck up by hitting a Grand Slam. Carlos Zambrano would leave this game with hamstring issues joining Aramis Ramirez who is down as well.

5.4 - Carlos Zambrano goes the the 15 Day DL for the first time and Ryan Theriot hits yet another HR. Rationality weeps.

5.5 - Cubs lose in one of Lou's many getaway lineups featuring Aaron Miles (who gets career SB number 3....I'm not sure if that's true or not but it would make sense)

5.7 - Jeff F7 is optioned back to AAA and Chad Fox is brought up. Derrek Lee sits with Neck Spasms.

5.8 - Randy Wells debuts and goes 5 scoress scattering 5 hits walking 2 and striking out 5. MB goes yard for the first time as a Cub and Ryan Freel is acquired. All of this will go overshadowed by a dislocated shoulder for Aramis Ramirez. To add insult ot injury, Aaron Heilman will blow the lead and pave the way for another Cubs loss. Derrek Lee is still out.

5.9 - Micah Hoffpauier flashes what little power he does have as the Cubs' bullpen shits the fucking bed worse than Linda Blair in the Exorcist. 6BB, 7ER on on six hits. Sadly, Chad Fox would fall pray to the injury bug and be placed on the DL after throwing a wild pitch that looked painful even to watch. Chad Fox would be placed on the DL and will probably have career ending surgery.

5.10 - No huge fail in particular to speak of.

5.12 - MB and Bobby Scales both go deep. Zambrano inches closer to return.

5.13 - Theriot hits two HR in none game. Marmol shits the bed and almost gives up the lead. The Cubs pull away.

5.14 - Cubs sweep the Padres. No fail to speak of...ya knonw, except if you're the Padres.

5.16 - After Kevinn Gregg is brought on to do what he does best. Alfonso Soriano comes through and wins the game for the Cubs (4ER on 2HR).

5.17 - Cubs lose. No fail highlights. Just fail all around. Zambrano rehabs at Daytona.

5.19 - Cubs lose. Lilly outmatched. No highlights.

5.20 - Ryan Dempster throws a respectable 7 innings allowing only 2 runs. Nnot enough for the 2009 Cubs offense who manages to scratch one run across. Milton Bradley gets onn base and gets doubled off on a flyball to OF Chris Duncan. Baby Jesus weeps.

5.21 - Cards Sweep. What's left to be said? Fail.

5.22 - Carlos Zambrano returns from and Rich Harden promptly hits the DL. Zambrano K's seven in a 4-0 loss. Peavy strikes out 10 Cubs and Cotts gives up a HR to Adrian Gonzalez. Suprise.

5.23 - Theriot goes back to batting leadoff and Fukudome second. Cubs still lose.

5.24 - 1 more adds up to a 7 game losing streak as Aaron Heilman gives up a walk, hit and a HR to Kevin Kouzmanoff. Padres sweep. Derrek Lee sits with neck spasms.

5.25 - Ted Lilly gets himself ejected. No, no. Ryan Dempster started. Ted Lilly got tossed from the dugout. Derrek Lee sits again. Cubs lose. 8 in a row.

5.26 - Blind squirell finnds a nut.

5.27 - You cann't be a Cub fan and not love Carlos Zambrano. Pitchers that eject umpires are a rare breed. Cubs win off a Reed Johnson go ahead HR and Carlos Zambrano ejection.

5.28 - Carlos Zambrano receives a six game suspension for being awesome as the Cubs fall back to .500. Cubs lose to LA on another strong Randy Wells outing (7IP, 2ER, 7K, 8H). Ryan Freel and imaginary friend go to the DL.

5.29 - Cubs win. Somehow. Koyie Hill hits a HR.

5.30 - Cubs win. Nothing nenwsworthy. Theriot caught stealing. TOOTBLAN? Probably.

5.31 - Dodgers get to Marrshall quickly. Cubs lose.

The Cubs ended the month of May at 25-24 having put Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Aramis Ramirez, and Ryan Freel on the DL.

The highlights of the 2009 Cubs - April

If you haven't already made peace with the fact the Chicago Cubs are done for in 2009 I highly encourage you to take a look at this.

BP's Playoff Odds


Playoffs

Cardinals 93.06468

Cubs 8.96950


Give it up. Mark DeRosa is a Cardinal and he's not bored of baseball yet therefore the Cubs have no prayer.

With that in mind let us look back at the fail that has been the Chicago Cubs this year. No not just Kevin Gregg, Carlos Marmol, or even Aaron Heilman. No. It's time to look at the good times.

04.08 - Geovanny Soto goes to an orthopedic specialist. Super backup catcher Koyie Hill steps in. Kevin Gregg makes his first appearance as a Cub and promptly gives up a run. A sign of things to come.

Fun note about April 8th. Carrie Muskat calls it Lilly's 'biggest game of the year'.

04.09 - David Patton gives up a solo HR to Hunter Pence in his debut. Another sign of things to come.

04.10 - Rich Harden fans 10 in his 2009 debut. Kevin Gregg shows up and gives that shit up quicker than your high school's prom queen. In all fariness Ryan Duffy GIDP'd until Ryan Theriot came up with it and threw it home. Walk off fieler's choice. Awesome. /2009 Cub'd.

4.12 - Lou Piniella decides to stick with Kevin Gregg as the Cubs' closer. Something Cub fans everywhere would come to regret. Geovanny Soto returns to the Cubs' lineup.

4.13 - Reed Johnson gives the Milwaukee Brewers the giant bird by catching a ball meant to be a Prince Fielder grand slam. The bad news is the Bad Ass Mutha Fucka would go down in this game with a strained right groin. In what should have been another blown save for Kevin Gregg, it seemed as though the 2008 Cubs' luck would come through.

4.15 - Jason Marquis shuts down the Cubs for 1 run over 7 innings, scattering only 5 hits. Aramis ramirez & Milton Bradley sit out with stiffness in the back and aforementioned groin injury respectively.

4.16 - Milton Bradley's first appearance at Wrigley Field ends quickly with a 'bump' of umpire Larry Vanover. Bradley was, at the time, a pinch hitter. Mid April also brougt us the first glimpse of the suck that is Aaron Heilman and David Patton. Heilman would surrender a HR and Patton 2ER's.

4.17 - 2008 Cubs luck continues with a go-ahead HR from Alfonso Soriano to give the Cubs the W over the Cards. Marmol and Gregg are sharp shutting down the Cards. All the while umpire Larry Vanover files his report regarding the incident involving MB.

4.18 - Cub fans are euphoric. Aramis Ramirez hits a walk off blast into the LF bleachers to lead the Cubs past the Cards again.

4.21 - Rich Harden nets his first win. Cat is seen running on the field. Hoffpauir hits a HR. Cat on field. Better entertainment.

4.23 - Cubs lose and win at the same time. Kevin Gregg gives up a 9th inning HR to Jay Bruce, luckily it made no real difference as the game was done anyway. Cubs win by releasing Luis Vizcaino.

4.24 Soriano moves out of the lead-off spot for the first time. Starts in the 3 hole and promptly goes 0-4 with 3 K's. David Patton gives up a grand slam to Albert Pujols and Joey Gathright gets picked off on one of the few times he does get on base.

4.25 - Carlos Marmol gives up 2 hits and 1 run inn what amounts to a loss. Marmol would pull up lame after giving up a single to Ludwick and Ramirez was removed in the fifth after hitting a double.

4.26 - Fukudome drives in 5. Soriano returns to the leadoff and goes 2/4. Derrek Lee is day to day with nagging Neck Spasms. Aramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee, Carlos Marmol, Milton Bradley, and Geo Soto. All day to day.

4.27 - Dan Haren shuts down the Cubs. Bradley makes a PH. Patton gives up another 2R. Soto returns.

4.28 - Kevin Gregg and Carlos Marmol give up a combined 7 walks in one inning. That wasn't a typo. 7. Three of those issued with the bases loaded. Gregg would go on to get in umpire Jeff Kellogg's face. Hey Kev, as bad as you think he was. I doubt seriously it was ALL him.

4.29 - Carlos Zambrano goes 7 strong and falls just a triple shy of the cycle. Koyie Hill matched Zambrano's three with three singles. Penannt messiah thy name is Koyie Hill.

I'll work on May tomorrow. I'm also flirting with the idea of making it a fail-off between the NY Mets and the Chicago Fails. Cubs. Cubs.

4.27 -

Realistic Options to "Fix" the 2009 Chicago Cubs

Al Yellon has a few suggestions at Bleed Cubbie Blue on how to fix the Chicago Cubs.

# Send prospects and Aaron Heilman to Cleveland for Mark DeRosa. I know I'm going to start a firestorm here because of the long discussions we've already had about DeRosa. Look -- I'm NOT being sentimental here. DeRosa, who homered again last night and whose 44 RBI are already half of his career high set last year (and are also 17 more than any Cub has), would be a useful replacement for Aramis Ramirez until he returns, could sub in at several other positions, and if A-Ram isn't 100% on his comeback, could also play 3B for extended periods the rest of the year. Sending Heilman to Cleveland would give the Tribe a major league pitcher -- and perhaps give Heilman the starting rotation slot he's been coveting -- and mitigate some of DeRosa's contract. Also, this gets the two additional pitchers the Cubs don't really need (13? Waaaaaay too many, Lou!) off the roster.

If you haven't figured it out by now (I really don't know how you haven't) this is all in satire. All of it. 100%. Mark DeRosa isn't the heart and soul of anything. Mark DeRosa isn't the reason the Cubs are failing. Mark DeRosa HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. T

Would the Cubs be any different if they kept Mark DeRosa and put him at 3rd while Mike Fontenot played second eliminating the need for Aaron "what the fuck am I still doing on this team" Miles? At this point, probably. But going into 2009 WHAT WAS THE NEED?

Here is Mark DeRosa's current contract:

Mark DeRosa inf
3 years/$13M (2007-09)

* 3 years/$13M (2007-09)
o signed by Cubs as a free agent 11/06
o 07:$2.75M, 08:$4.75M, 09:$5.5M
o $50,000 assignment bonus with each trade
o award bonuses: $50,000 for Silver Slugger, $75,000 each for Gold Glove or All Star selection, $0.15M for LCS MVP, $0.2M for MVP, $0.25M for WS MVP
o acquired by Cleveland in trade from Chicago Cubs 12/31/08

What I'm doing with this is very simple. In Richard Lewis' Moneyball he discussed how Billy Beane and Paul DePodesta embraced the loss of Giambi, Damon and Saenz. Creating the aggregate. The Cubs lost Mark DeRosa's versatility in the field (his ability to play pretty much every OF position and 3B), Ronny Cedeno and Jim Edmonds, and replaced it with the aggregate of Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles and Joey Gathright (Now Ryan Freel). Ignoring for a moment the absurdity of even HAVING TO replace DeRosa, Daryle Ward and Jim Edmonds we'll delve into the aforementioned idea.

Mark DeRosa
.285/.376/.481 .857 OPS
Jim Edmonds
.256/.369/.568 .937 OPS
Ronny Cedeno
.269/.328/.352 .680 OPS

Aggregate:

.270/.358/.467 .825 OPS

Was then replaced with.

Milton Bradley
.321/.436/.536
Aaron Miles
.317/.355/.398
Joey Gathright
.254/.311/.272

Aggregate:

.297/.396/.402 .798 OPS

What's interesting is the use of career years and other ephemeral issues which render this entire model useless. But as long as we're following the same irrationality that has predicated this onslaught of DeRosa love.

Going forward, it occurs to me that it's a very interesting fact that so many acknowledge the slump the Cubs are in but perpetuate the idea that the Chicago Cubs need Mark DeRosa. As this is being written the Chicago Cubs are 2.5 games out of first place (Close to three games out thanks to the ineptitude of one Cleveland teams bullpen) playing .500 ball.

Oncemore I'm sure the utilization of DeRosa over the incompetent Aaron Miles would be more refreshing than slapping Bob Brenly, but it isn't necessary. Even looking at the most rudimentary line stats it's abundantly clear but to drive the point home I'd like to look at a few more advanced statistics as well.

In 272 Plate Appearances:

Mark "DemiGod" DeRosa

.313 BABiP
.350 wOBA
1.34 WPA

In 164 Plate Appearances:

Milton Bradley

.252 BABiP
.322 wOBA
.008 WPA

It would appear as though the Demi-Lord DeRosa is more valuable, in just over 200 Plate Appearances. 200 PA's and a slumping offense. Stay tuned as we delve deeper into the completely unhinged need for Mark DeRosa.

Rookie Pitcher Shuts Down The Chicago Cubs, Promptly Gets Sent Down

I'm serious. Anthony Sarzak's line looked like this against the Chicago Cubs today.

7IP 4H 0R 0ER 1BB 6SO 0HR

He was promptly demoted.

Meanwhile the answer to the Cubs' lack of offense? More Aaron Miles! What's the alternative? Anything. Anything is the alternative to a man who has thus far hit .202/.243/.257. Put a number of AAA names in a hat and pick one, you're not going to go wrong. At this point I would advocate the use of a man in a leg cast getting Miles' AB's.

Mark DeRosa eats Aaron Miles' for a mid-afternoon snack.

Once again a masterful pitching outing for the Chicago Cubs. Rich Harden struck out 9 and gave up only 2 runs, but with the offense as lost as it is what difference does it make?

Kevin Slowey > Chicago Cubs

Before much can be said about Kevin Slowey slapping the Chicago Cubs around like an ugly hooker, I'll breifly touch on the abomination that was the Houston series.

The Cubs did not have Mark DeRosa to offset the grit and clutch of the great Geoff Blum.

There, that's it, that all you need to know about my feelings in regard to whatever the hell happened in Houston this week.

The Cubs are now inching ever closer to their own doom. They have played one game against a team in Mark DeRosa's division. For those who don't know, you have to be extremely hardened and retarded (The Chicago White Sox) to play baseba...anything in the same division as Mark DeRosa. True story.

Inevitably the Cubs lost, whether it be the Twins being a talented team, Justin Morneau being a beast, or crazy RF'ers not knowing how many outs there are throwing baseballs into the OF stands I'll say this one thing about today's loss:

Leave Milton Bradley the fuck alone.

It's already abundantly apparant that he is no Mark DeRosa, that's bad enough. He knows this, and like most MLB players, he will come to make peace with this....in time.

Just a quick tip of the hat to Another Cubs Blog for pointing out this mother fucker. Exactly what I'm talking about.

Cubs don't draft Mark DeRosa -- fail again

5:00 p.m - Recapping the 2009 Major League Amateur draft the Chicago Cubs once more failed to think outside the box. June 10th, 2009 the Cubs selected some kid with their 31st pick that doesn't have anyting near the clutch ability or the clubhouse leadership skills Mark DeRosa has. The non-Mark DeRosa draftee, named Brett Jackson, has been met with mixed reviews. Another Cubs Blog has a pretty good run down of it.

The same draft saw host to the Cubs also selecting the following.

• The aforementioned Brett "not Mark DeRosa" Jackson, L/R CF College


• David LeMeahiu, R/R IF College


• Austin KirK, L/L LHP, HS


• Chris Rusin, L/L LHP, College


• Wesley Darvill, L/R SS, HS

In the end what it all boils down to is the Cubs failed to supplement the loss (as if you could) of Mark DeRosa therefore are doomed to a life of more mediocrity. The end.

6/7 - Mark DeRosa leaves Chicago

11:29 - After mercifully allowing the White Sox to win one game and single handidly motivating his team to hit 7 home runs in three games (one of course, his) Mark DeRosa is now moving onto Kansas City where he'll most likely impregnate most of it's population.

On a side note as previously reported my girlfriend is back from her important business trip downtown. That's good news.

The other Chicago team devastated by Mark DeRosa fared decent this weekend as well. The DeRosa-less Chicago Cubs took 2 of 3 from the Cincinnati Reds (another team in Ohio that Mark DeRosa does not play for ). Now as you know because Mark DeRosa wasn't on this team the Chicago Cubs were lucky to win one, but let us look at a couple of highlights this weekend.

- Mike Fontenot had a very rough weekend defensively. As most smart Cub fans know this wouldn't be a problem if DeRosa was on the team. Why? Simple. Mark DeRosa can simply stare at a groundball hit toward him and it will naturally throw itself to first base.

- Alfonso Soriano has been slumping hitting only .216/261/.396 through the month of May. It is important to point out that Mark DeRosa's teammate, Victor Martinez, has a line of .321/.413/.468 through the month of May. Coincidence? Yeah right.

- The Chicago Cubs' bullpen faltered yet again in the face of the Cincinnati Reds' batters. Carlos Marmol continues to be ineffective while David Patton's hiccup on Saturday cost the Chicago Cubs the game in extra innings on Saturday. What does this have to do with Mark DeRosa? Mark DeRosa doesn't believe in extra innings, the mere thought angers him.

- Carlos Zambrano won his 100th game on Friday afternoon and promptly retired his retirement soon thereafter. Carlos indicated to reporters that he intends to retire after his current contract expires and whether it be for family reasons or not, most know there's more than one reason for this.

1. After reflecting upon things Carlos Zambrano now realizes that though 100 wins is a great acheivement, he's acheived something far greater already. He was Mark DeRosa's teammate for at least one season.
2. Carlos Zambrano is utterly petrified that Mark DeRosa may come back into the National League.
3. Carlos Zambrano hit a homerun on Friday night that promptly made Mark DeRosa laugh. Carlos' ego (like most men's) could not handle this, therefore he must do the honorable thing and step away.

This won't be the first time Mark will leave my girlfrie.....Chicago but because Mark is who he is this always intrepid reporter will keep you updated. Until then.