Realistic Options to "Fix" the 2009 Chicago Cubs

Al Yellon has a few suggestions at Bleed Cubbie Blue on how to fix the Chicago Cubs.

# Send prospects and Aaron Heilman to Cleveland for Mark DeRosa. I know I'm going to start a firestorm here because of the long discussions we've already had about DeRosa. Look -- I'm NOT being sentimental here. DeRosa, who homered again last night and whose 44 RBI are already half of his career high set last year (and are also 17 more than any Cub has), would be a useful replacement for Aramis Ramirez until he returns, could sub in at several other positions, and if A-Ram isn't 100% on his comeback, could also play 3B for extended periods the rest of the year. Sending Heilman to Cleveland would give the Tribe a major league pitcher -- and perhaps give Heilman the starting rotation slot he's been coveting -- and mitigate some of DeRosa's contract. Also, this gets the two additional pitchers the Cubs don't really need (13? Waaaaaay too many, Lou!) off the roster.

If you haven't figured it out by now (I really don't know how you haven't) this is all in satire. All of it. 100%. Mark DeRosa isn't the heart and soul of anything. Mark DeRosa isn't the reason the Cubs are failing. Mark DeRosa HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. T

Would the Cubs be any different if they kept Mark DeRosa and put him at 3rd while Mike Fontenot played second eliminating the need for Aaron "what the fuck am I still doing on this team" Miles? At this point, probably. But going into 2009 WHAT WAS THE NEED?

Here is Mark DeRosa's current contract:

Mark DeRosa inf
3 years/$13M (2007-09)

* 3 years/$13M (2007-09)
o signed by Cubs as a free agent 11/06
o 07:$2.75M, 08:$4.75M, 09:$5.5M
o $50,000 assignment bonus with each trade
o award bonuses: $50,000 for Silver Slugger, $75,000 each for Gold Glove or All Star selection, $0.15M for LCS MVP, $0.2M for MVP, $0.25M for WS MVP
o acquired by Cleveland in trade from Chicago Cubs 12/31/08

What I'm doing with this is very simple. In Richard Lewis' Moneyball he discussed how Billy Beane and Paul DePodesta embraced the loss of Giambi, Damon and Saenz. Creating the aggregate. The Cubs lost Mark DeRosa's versatility in the field (his ability to play pretty much every OF position and 3B), Ronny Cedeno and Jim Edmonds, and replaced it with the aggregate of Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles and Joey Gathright (Now Ryan Freel). Ignoring for a moment the absurdity of even HAVING TO replace DeRosa, Daryle Ward and Jim Edmonds we'll delve into the aforementioned idea.

Mark DeRosa
.285/.376/.481 .857 OPS
Jim Edmonds
.256/.369/.568 .937 OPS
Ronny Cedeno
.269/.328/.352 .680 OPS

Aggregate:

.270/.358/.467 .825 OPS

Was then replaced with.

Milton Bradley
.321/.436/.536
Aaron Miles
.317/.355/.398
Joey Gathright
.254/.311/.272

Aggregate:

.297/.396/.402 .798 OPS

What's interesting is the use of career years and other ephemeral issues which render this entire model useless. But as long as we're following the same irrationality that has predicated this onslaught of DeRosa love.

Going forward, it occurs to me that it's a very interesting fact that so many acknowledge the slump the Cubs are in but perpetuate the idea that the Chicago Cubs need Mark DeRosa. As this is being written the Chicago Cubs are 2.5 games out of first place (Close to three games out thanks to the ineptitude of one Cleveland teams bullpen) playing .500 ball.

Oncemore I'm sure the utilization of DeRosa over the incompetent Aaron Miles would be more refreshing than slapping Bob Brenly, but it isn't necessary. Even looking at the most rudimentary line stats it's abundantly clear but to drive the point home I'd like to look at a few more advanced statistics as well.

In 272 Plate Appearances:

Mark "DemiGod" DeRosa

.313 BABiP
.350 wOBA
1.34 WPA

In 164 Plate Appearances:

Milton Bradley

.252 BABiP
.322 wOBA
.008 WPA

It would appear as though the Demi-Lord DeRosa is more valuable, in just over 200 Plate Appearances. 200 PA's and a slumping offense. Stay tuned as we delve deeper into the completely unhinged need for Mark DeRosa.

Rookie Pitcher Shuts Down The Chicago Cubs, Promptly Gets Sent Down

I'm serious. Anthony Sarzak's line looked like this against the Chicago Cubs today.

7IP 4H 0R 0ER 1BB 6SO 0HR

He was promptly demoted.

Meanwhile the answer to the Cubs' lack of offense? More Aaron Miles! What's the alternative? Anything. Anything is the alternative to a man who has thus far hit .202/.243/.257. Put a number of AAA names in a hat and pick one, you're not going to go wrong. At this point I would advocate the use of a man in a leg cast getting Miles' AB's.

Mark DeRosa eats Aaron Miles' for a mid-afternoon snack.

Once again a masterful pitching outing for the Chicago Cubs. Rich Harden struck out 9 and gave up only 2 runs, but with the offense as lost as it is what difference does it make?

Kevin Slowey > Chicago Cubs

Before much can be said about Kevin Slowey slapping the Chicago Cubs around like an ugly hooker, I'll breifly touch on the abomination that was the Houston series.

The Cubs did not have Mark DeRosa to offset the grit and clutch of the great Geoff Blum.

There, that's it, that all you need to know about my feelings in regard to whatever the hell happened in Houston this week.

The Cubs are now inching ever closer to their own doom. They have played one game against a team in Mark DeRosa's division. For those who don't know, you have to be extremely hardened and retarded (The Chicago White Sox) to play baseba...anything in the same division as Mark DeRosa. True story.

Inevitably the Cubs lost, whether it be the Twins being a talented team, Justin Morneau being a beast, or crazy RF'ers not knowing how many outs there are throwing baseballs into the OF stands I'll say this one thing about today's loss:

Leave Milton Bradley the fuck alone.

It's already abundantly apparant that he is no Mark DeRosa, that's bad enough. He knows this, and like most MLB players, he will come to make peace with this....in time.

Just a quick tip of the hat to Another Cubs Blog for pointing out this mother fucker. Exactly what I'm talking about.

Cubs don't draft Mark DeRosa -- fail again

5:00 p.m - Recapping the 2009 Major League Amateur draft the Chicago Cubs once more failed to think outside the box. June 10th, 2009 the Cubs selected some kid with their 31st pick that doesn't have anyting near the clutch ability or the clubhouse leadership skills Mark DeRosa has. The non-Mark DeRosa draftee, named Brett Jackson, has been met with mixed reviews. Another Cubs Blog has a pretty good run down of it.

The same draft saw host to the Cubs also selecting the following.

• The aforementioned Brett "not Mark DeRosa" Jackson, L/R CF College


• David LeMeahiu, R/R IF College


• Austin KirK, L/L LHP, HS


• Chris Rusin, L/L LHP, College


• Wesley Darvill, L/R SS, HS

In the end what it all boils down to is the Cubs failed to supplement the loss (as if you could) of Mark DeRosa therefore are doomed to a life of more mediocrity. The end.

6/7 - Mark DeRosa leaves Chicago

11:29 - After mercifully allowing the White Sox to win one game and single handidly motivating his team to hit 7 home runs in three games (one of course, his) Mark DeRosa is now moving onto Kansas City where he'll most likely impregnate most of it's population.

On a side note as previously reported my girlfriend is back from her important business trip downtown. That's good news.

The other Chicago team devastated by Mark DeRosa fared decent this weekend as well. The DeRosa-less Chicago Cubs took 2 of 3 from the Cincinnati Reds (another team in Ohio that Mark DeRosa does not play for ). Now as you know because Mark DeRosa wasn't on this team the Chicago Cubs were lucky to win one, but let us look at a couple of highlights this weekend.

- Mike Fontenot had a very rough weekend defensively. As most smart Cub fans know this wouldn't be a problem if DeRosa was on the team. Why? Simple. Mark DeRosa can simply stare at a groundball hit toward him and it will naturally throw itself to first base.

- Alfonso Soriano has been slumping hitting only .216/261/.396 through the month of May. It is important to point out that Mark DeRosa's teammate, Victor Martinez, has a line of .321/.413/.468 through the month of May. Coincidence? Yeah right.

- The Chicago Cubs' bullpen faltered yet again in the face of the Cincinnati Reds' batters. Carlos Marmol continues to be ineffective while David Patton's hiccup on Saturday cost the Chicago Cubs the game in extra innings on Saturday. What does this have to do with Mark DeRosa? Mark DeRosa doesn't believe in extra innings, the mere thought angers him.

- Carlos Zambrano won his 100th game on Friday afternoon and promptly retired his retirement soon thereafter. Carlos indicated to reporters that he intends to retire after his current contract expires and whether it be for family reasons or not, most know there's more than one reason for this.

1. After reflecting upon things Carlos Zambrano now realizes that though 100 wins is a great acheivement, he's acheived something far greater already. He was Mark DeRosa's teammate for at least one season.
2. Carlos Zambrano is utterly petrified that Mark DeRosa may come back into the National League.
3. Carlos Zambrano hit a homerun on Friday night that promptly made Mark DeRosa laugh. Carlos' ego (like most men's) could not handle this, therefore he must do the honorable thing and step away.

This won't be the first time Mark will leave my girlfrie.....Chicago but because Mark is who he is this always intrepid reporter will keep you updated. Until then.